hands away

it feels officially over now. even though i've felt far away from it for a long time; it feels over now. it makes me sad and i am tired today anyway and i am sitting on my bed with maebie listening to turn on the bright lights remembering the valley in late summer and your car and the trees on hesby and your belly button and your pink pants that hug your tiny hips and that night in new york when we stood outside that party for hours and fell in love with each other and the notes we wrote and that hug you gave me in the parking lot, the first hug; i hit my forehead on your collarbone and then weeks later we kissed outside my bedroom door and we couldn't stop kissing and the first time i told you i loved you we were lying in my bed and i can't even remember the last time i told you i love you and when you got home from work you liked to make quesadillas and drink beer and when we were in hawaii i was so distant because i knew it was ending it was practically over but i wanted us to have something so good. i really did.