what time does

my blog is titled, "hoarding it for home," mostly because it's the title of my favorite mates of state song but also because, when i started the blog anyway, i really wanted to go home. i wanted to be in oregon. well, now i'm here. and i wonder if i've really been hoarding anything at all. i was thinking that i should write on this more, and that maybe if i did i would feel better about where i am. it's not a shameful place to be, just transitional, but i feel like "it's okay to be in between" has become my mantra.

today i woke up and went for a jog. the air is so clean and cold here it hurts my lungs, which are used to dirty la air and cigarettes. i couldn't jog the whole time and thought that once "y control" by the yeah yeah yeahs came on i'd get my second wind. i didn't.

after jogging i surfed the internet, read the la times, looked for jobs. i applied for five yesterday though so i didn't really feel like it's necessary today. i've just got to learn to give myself a break, and to be patient. i volunteered to pick my grandpa's girlfriend up from the mechanics and bring her to our house, where my grandpa has been staying since he had a minor operation last week. her name is maria, she is from mexico but was born in barcelona, spain. she drives a nissan that i guess might have a hose leak. while we were all headed back through town, my grandpa tagged along, some how once we were done talking about the weather, the cliched notion of time flying came up. we all agreed of course. "i wish you could stop it," maria said. "or at least slow it down," i said. it felt like my birthday was just yesterday and i have another right around the corner. maria asked how old i was, when i answered she said, "really? you look like you're sixteen." ha.