wings of desire

you know in that movie, wings of desire, where peter falk is an angel and he writes little, human actions down in that little notebook and when he does that it makes the action seem so important and meaningful even though it was just like: 330pm, girl brushes hair out of her face and smiles. yesterday while i was driving around i saw two old ladies cutting their lawns this those old push mowers. for whatever reason this made me feel like peter falk in wings of desire, like i had to write down the totally ordinary but important moment. then at the gas station last night this douchebag in front of me wanted buy some gum ("oh you know what sounds good? some gum." who says shit like that?) but the clerk had already swiped his card. the guy wasn't too upset but the clerk offered him a piece of his own gum, and the guy was so grateful. it was pretty great.

i've started working at a group home for developmentally disabled adults. when i worked on wednesday i got 8 hugs. 8 hugs. is there any other job where you can get 8 hugs in one shift. and one of the "consumers" calls me angel all the time. HEY ANGEL. WHO LOVES YOU? I LOVE YOU. YOU KNOW YOU'RE SPECIAL RIGHT? YOU'RE AN ANGEL. they have these things called essentail life plans (elps) and they have differnt sections like: what is great about so and so, what so and so likes, what they dislike, people who get along with so and so have these qualities, so and so's goals. i think i want to make one for myself, or maybe for my friend billy because he works there too and would probably really appreciate it. they have help with their finances and with "social interaction." i need help with that stuff, especially finances.

i need an essential life plan.

hands away

it feels officially over now. even though i've felt far away from it for a long time; it feels over now. it makes me sad and i am tired today anyway and i am sitting on my bed with maebie listening to turn on the bright lights remembering the valley in late summer and your car and the trees on hesby and your belly button and your pink pants that hug your tiny hips and that night in new york when we stood outside that party for hours and fell in love with each other and the notes we wrote and that hug you gave me in the parking lot, the first hug; i hit my forehead on your collarbone and then weeks later we kissed outside my bedroom door and we couldn't stop kissing and the first time i told you i loved you we were lying in my bed and i can't even remember the last time i told you i love you and when you got home from work you liked to make quesadillas and drink beer and when we were in hawaii i was so distant because i knew it was ending it was practically over but i wanted us to have something so good. i really did.