MONOsick

I didn't post yesterday. Believe is or not I was running around all morning because Paterson was sick so I was completely worn out by three o clock. I left Paterson so convaless at his parent's house and I went to my mom to curl up and die. I revised a story and sent it out into the world. I also ate sushi. I don't like comments like, men are from mars, women are from venus--anything that lumps men into one catagory and men into another, but I have to say after trying to care from Paterson when he was sick, men are pussies when it comes to being sick, and maybe this was just Paterson, but they can be very mean. I was running around trying to make Paterson more comfortable and he was boohooing the whole way telling me I wasn't good at taking care of. I'm sorry, maybe the MONO I have is debilitating me. To his credit (I guess) he apologized later for being mean and when I was so, so sick that I couldn't talk or move he took really good care of me, the best care I've ever had.

When you're lazy and apathetic mono is a really bad thing to get, or it's great because it gives you an excuse, but if you are guilty about being lazy and apathetic mono doesn't abdicate that guilt. i have a lot of guilt for someone who isn't religious at all. I think it's my dad's fault, and my grandpa's (he's dead). My grandpa created the family business and my dad ran it and both are/were very great men who took great care of their family. Plus, both were athletic and my athleticism comes from them. My grandpa used to tell me stories about my dad running stairs at the high school--when everyone else was being lazy. So I have always felt like I had to work out--it wasn't a choice. Dancing in high school did more to drill this into me. My dance teacher could lay on a guilt trip like it was like pitch--sticky and gooey and there was no way of getting it off. I think I've gotten past this, somewhat, maybe.

I've spent the last few days thinking that mono was sort of joke, feeling good, but yesterday and today I am beat. I am giving myself the rest of this week--I start swimming again on Monday-maybe even Saturday if I feel up to it.