almost time

i realized while watching kindergarten cop yesterday that arnold gets to kill people for real now. he did so when he denied tookie clemency. it wasn't like when he shot cullen crisp jr. in the boys locker room of astoria elementary. it was for realsies. today i was watching the end of independence day with sophie, who is seven, and when randy quaid flew his ship into middle of the alien ship causing it to blow up she asked, is he dead? yeah, i said. does he know he is dead? i didnt' know how to answer. he's not dead for reals. it's just the movies. in real life he is still alive. oh, she said. i told her it was supposed to seem real, that that was the whole idea, but it wasn't.

i got $400 from my grandma for graduation. i talked on the phone with her before i got it and she said, i'm sending you some money, live off of it for a while, pay your rent with it. it is sad that in $400 doesn't even cover my rent. and i could probably blow through that $400 in a week if i was being extravagent, but i could easily blow through it in two weeks. in cambodia the average minimum wage for garment factory workers is $40 a month. a month. if i want a good meal and a few drinks i can spend $40 in one day.

january and february are some of my favorite months in la. because it rains and but also because the winter days can be so clear and beautiful, when you can see the mountains and the sky is this blue that you really want to remember.