stay cool, stay cool forever

in six hours i will be done with my last undergrad class. and all we're doing is watching a movie. i'm trying to conjure up what it felt like when i graduated from high school and see if it feels the same. i think everyone was more excited, but then there were just more people that were graduating. there might be others graduating now, but i am friends with only one. plus graduating in december doesn't feel as new and fresh as graduating in may or june. when i graduated from high school i was so unsure of my plans. i wasn't going to college. i had applied to one school, no safeties, and not gotten in, it's the school i'm graduating from now, but regardless. i had the plan of getting on scholarship at edge and if i didn't do that i was going to be left with nothing. i would of had to get a job. so when people asked me, "so what are you doing after high school?" i could only answer, "moving to la." and that is what i did. and i never went back for a summer. i was so much more of a bad ass then. i was just turning eighteen, my best friend was addicted to crystal meth, i was moving to la. now, i'm not a bad ass, but i'm just as unsure about what i'm doing, but back then i was sure even in my unsurety. now, i'm just unsure.