pacifism and sibling rivalry

i have been reading a lot about pacifism lately and i really believe it is something that i could practice. something i could believe in. at first i thought, this is easy. but then i did something and i realized that being a pacifist would be harder than i thought, or maybe i am more violent then i thought i was.

i was bored and so i was playing with my roommate's zen rock garden. it is really just a shallow wooden frame filled with white sand that looks a lot like cocaine that she bought at border's. it comes with this little rake, pusher thing. i am pushing the sand around for a long time, making it smooth, poking little holes in it. i am solely concentrating on this zen sand box and i really start to feel it. my mind clears, and i feel lighter. i am really getting into designing my sand garden and reaching zen when by brother comes up and sticks his finger in my design and moves the sand around. i follow my gut reaction and i turn and punch him in the stomach.

all he did was ruin my zen and i punched him in the stomach. i don't know if i am strong enough to be a pacifist.

don't worry my little brother is fine. and he isn't really little, he is 21. he should know better than to ruin people's rock gardens. oh, and he punched me back.