i'll give you christmas

it was on my first flight home for christmas. the day before fires had been raging near pasadena. it was my first experience with the annual fires. on the news they showed the 134 closed, flames licking at its railings. my flight was leaving from burbank, early, around 7:30am.

due to the fires the plane had perform a special take off. the santa anas were on full blast so the special take off used extra gas to fight against the winds.

the woman sitting next to me looked like she was made of leather. she was wearing a pink t-shirt with fringes on it. the fringes had beads on them. when the beverage chart came around she ordered a miller light. it was eight in the morning. she complained to me about flying. everything was so slow, she said, it took too long. so when the captained announced we were landing in oakland to re-fuel she was pissed.

we landed and she complained the whole time we were on the ground. her voice was raspy, probably because she if she weren't on the plane she would have had a marlboro light permanently affixed to her lip. this is taking too long. i need another miller light, she'd cough.

the man in front of us joined her in compaining. he stopped the flight attendent and asked what was taking so "damn" long.
this their exchange, i am not exaggerating:

"whats taking so damn long?"

"i'm sorry sir, we are letting some people on the plane so they can be with their families on christmas."

the man raises his fist and shakes it and says, "i'll give you christmas."


christmas always brings out the best in people. as we were landing one of the passengers went into cardiac arrest and we had to wait on the plane while the paramedics came on and rescued the poor man. the leathery lady was pissed about this too.