master cleanse day four: i am so bored.

i am worried that i will never be hungry again. really, i'm just bored with this whole cleanse thing. i might shorten the duration to a week. we'll see. i go back and forth. i get so down on myself for even thinking of stopping before the ten days, bu then i think, HELLO! YOU HAVEN'T EATEN ANYTHING FOR FOUR DAYS. PAT YOURSELF ON THE BACK. or eat something. if i did shorten it i would probably resume eating on monday. i've already played the converstion i am going to have with tara in my head, so if you're reading this t, don't give me shit.

i really didn't feel well this morning. i had to leap out of bed to make it to the bathroom because the smooth move tea was making things move. then i couldn't get back to sleep because i was all stuffed up and i had a sore throat. and my heart was beating really fast. its scarier for some reason when you havent' eaten anything in over 72 hours and your heart starts beating fast. once i fell back asleep i had a dream i was going to faint and i yelled to daniel who was in the other room, daniel, i'm going to faint, as i fell to the floor. he yelled back, don't. i tried not to and woke up before i actually did faint.

that spicey lemonade stuff is good though. i've really been enjoying it. i need to make some more.

this whole cleanse thing has got me thinking about medicine and how we treat our bodies. i mean...i eat bacon everyday, and fries, and onion rings, and then i don't consume anything for four days except spicy lemonade, laxative tea, and water. i'm sure my body is upset. but i think i need to stop seperating my body from myself because this afternoon i noticed i was upset. but i've also noticed on this cleanse that i have had a lot of energy and been able to focus better. but there is nothing moderate about either of my situations. either i'm pigging out or i'm completely denying myself. the middle path...right?

oh, and i've lost five pounds.